Success In Interracial Marriage, Dating, and Relationships

Leave a Comment / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

Success in interracial marriage, dating, and relationships

Tips and Advice From A Therapist

While interracial marriage has become more widely accepted, advice on how to navigate it isn’t commonly known. Here’s advice from a therapist on how to have success in interracial marriage, dating, and relationships.

Photography By: Lauro Cassule

Table of Contents

Two people becoming one within a relationship is a difficult thing. Two people of different cultures make it even tougher. The best way to have success in an interracial marriage or relationship, is by educating yourself, being respectful, and speaking their language. We have found these key points to be very advantageous and will explain them further below.

Educating Yourself

Photography By: Lauro Cassule

Being openminded does not excuse you from educating yourself. There are many things that you don’t yet understand and that’s ok if you are willing to learn. Here are three topics to educate yourself that will aide your interracial marriage or relationship.

Learning Their Culture

Never assume you know or completely understand their culture. Their experience and outlook because of that experience is different from yours. By learning their culture you are not only being respectful towards them, you are educating yourself on their beliefs, attitudes, and characteristics. Remember learning is an ongoing journey that you never graduate from.

Learning Your Biases

Even the most openminded person in the world has biases. The only difference is that they’ll admit it. Think about how you were raised, what you’ve been through, and belief systems that you hold. Being aware of your biases prepares you for potential arguments and misunderstandings.

Preparing For Adversity

You may be able to look past the color of someone’s skin or difference in their background, but many have not. Sometimes those people are our family or others we hold dearly. Know that this is a reflection of them and not you. Also, be prepared for any struggles you may experience while adjusting to the norms of your partner’s culture.

Be Respectful

Knowledge is a great start but what we do with that knowledge is more important. Knowing how to be respectful with what we’ve learned will help us to be understanding and understood within our interracial marriage.

Photography By: Lauro Cassule

Celebrate Your Differences

No two cultures are the same, and you will find areas where you differ. By celebrating or enjoying these differences when they appear, you are being respectful and reducing the chance of conflict.

Don’t Insult

Humor is a natural coping mechanism and sometimes we use it when we feel confused or feel threatened. Humor towards something we don’t fully understand can be offensive. Joking around or making fun over a cultural difference can often add problems to an interracial marriage or relationship.

Don’t Adopt, Adapt

It can be excited to learn and experience a new culture. Being respectful is not taking it on as your own however. Being respectful is allowing it to coexist with your culture in an atmosphere that celebrates differences

Speak Their Language

Photography By: Lauro Cassule

While learning your partner’s native tongue would give you a better understanding of their culture, we are talking about doing much more than that. Speaking their language requires learning, adjusting, and participating in who they are.

Learn How They Communicate

Communication is important in all relationships and this can be difficult in an interracial marriage. Study their culture, how are they communicating through word choice and body language? What is their tone?

Be Willing To Adjust

Speaking another language takes adjustment. Adjusting can entail forgetting what you think you know and becoming teachable. It’s easier to adjust when you are willing to take advice.

Try Things Their Way

Accepting a culture is a start. Actually trying it will help make sense during this learning process. You may come to like their way of doing something and gain a better understanding of what makes them tick.

Important Tips To Remember

Prepare For Adversity
Don’t Adopt Their Culture, Adapt
Celebrate The Differences
Learn To Speak Their Language

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on Success In Interracial Marriage, Dating, And Relationships. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

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Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

Interracial Dating Advice: 10 Tips From A Couples Counselor

Leave a Comment / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

Interracial Dating Advice:
10 Tips From A Couples Counselor

A Therapist's Guide To Interracial Dating

While there is a lot of dating advice out there, there isn’t much interracial dating advice. This is especially true from a therapeutic perspective. Here are 10 tips from a couples counselor.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

Table of Contents

Although interracial dating has become more common, interracial dating advice has not yet become common sense. The best interracial dating advice is centered around never assuming, showing respect, understanding differences, and knowing how to communicate. The following are 10 tips from a couples counselor who has also found happiness and success in his interracial marriage.

1.) Never Assume, Ask

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

While you may feel that you understand their culture well, there will always be something that you don’t understand completely. Even if you’re right, your assuming can be offensive. Ask questions! This one of the biggest keys in interracial dating advice.

2.) Don’t Adopt Their Culture, Adapt

Culture is both fun and fascinating. It is easy to get caught up in the excitement and begin acting as if this culture is also ours. This can offend our partners and give us the false assumption that we fully understand that culture. Adopting is making their culture our own. Adapting is respecting that we are different and creating a space where both can thrive together.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

This is not who you are

Depression may tell you that this is now who you are. Remember this is happening to you, it is not you. This perspective will help you return to who you are.

Just do it

Don’t let your feelings determine what you do for the day. By doing things despite our feelings wanting to do so, we are actively pushing ourselves out of our depression.

Find Your Joy

What has made you feel better in the past? What makes you happy? Do the things that you know you make you feel better so that you may once again find your joy.

3.) Learn How To Communicate

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

Communication is a major key in relationships and different cultures do it differently. Understanding how your partner best receives information is just as important as understanding their style of communicating. Body language, tone, and choice of words mean different things for different cultures. This is expert level interracial dating advice.

4.) Learn How To Compare

It’s common to share how things are different for us when we learn something new. Sometimes others may view this as a way of us saying our culture is better. Rather than creating something for our partner to grow into resentment, discuss why you are struggling to understand or are enjoying what is different for you. Elaborate more on your feelings and less on your experience.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

5.) Talk To Your Family about It

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

While you don’t owe anyone an explanation nor do you need their approval, inviting your family into a discussion about it will help them feel a part of. This can encourage them to be more supportive, educate others, and be prepared before meeting your partner. Also, any negative reactions are better solved now before during their meeting.

6.) Talk To Their Family about It

Starting this conversation with your partners family, let’s them know you value their thoughts and desire to be a part of their inner circle. The may even have some great interracial dating advice of their own.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

7.) Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

There are going to be times and scenarios in your culture that your partner finds uncomfortable. You may not realize it, but they can even be traumatic. Putting yourself in their shoes will help during those times. Don’t think about how you would feel if you were them. Think about how they feel being them. Even better, ask them!

8.) Don’t Take Things Personally

You’re going to get looks and may hear comments from people who aren’t as open minded as you. Remember they are only exposing their ignorance. While you may be what reminded them of their lack of compassion, this is their problem and not yours. Don’t allow their character defects to become your own.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

9.) Share Experiences

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

Get into the habit of discussing what this experience has been like. Even if it’s been easy and you feel you don’t have to, doing so will encourage your partner to do the same. This will give them an opportunity to talk if needed. This can also encourage each other when things are going great. It would be a great idea to befriend another mixed couple and share interracial dating advice.

10.) Forgive Them

Nobody is perfect and your partner will not understand your culture overnight. Don’t expect them to instantly understand what took you years to develop. If they say something wrong or incorrect, educate and forgive them. If you want this to work, forgiveness is going to be a trait you’ll have to learn.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

Important Tips To Remember

Never Assume, Ask
Learn How They Communicate
Don’t Take Things Personally
Forgive Them

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on Interracial Dating Advice. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

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Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

When And What Are The Best Ways To Breakup By Text

Leave a Comment / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

When And What Are
The Best Ways To Breakup By Text

Advice From A Therapist

Breakups can be difficult but the process doesn’t have to be. There are many reasons why a breakup by text is appropriate. Follow along to learn when and how to do just that.

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

Table of Contents

Many relationships will unfortunately come to an end. While it may seem impersonal, breaking up by text is sometimes a good idea. In fact, if done properly it may give both people exactly what they needed. The best way to breakup by text is to first determine if it’s beneficial, write in a language they understand, and empathetically provide closure.

Do What's Best

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

We breakup when it is what is best. So it’s important that we do this in a way that is best for us. Are we protecting ourselves? Will a breakup by text allow for an easier separation? Is this the best way to get closure? These are questions we should ask when deciding if it is best to breakup by text.

Safety First

If you are victim of abuse and/or are afraid for your safety, putting yourself physically in front of that person can be extremely dangerous. For additional help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 (800) 799-7233

Getting Away

Do you struggle with saying no or finding yourself being manipulated into situations. A text message can serve as a boundary to help protect you.

Getting Closure

Closure allows us to move on. Without receiving closure, you or your ex may continue attempting to renter the relationship. Determine whether a text will help or make this more difficult.

Spell it Out Clearly

Some argue that a breakup by text is impersonal. I would say that true if you make impersonal. Writing in a way that is clear, understanding, and personal is the best ways to break up by text.

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

Make It Clear

Text messages can be interrupted many ways. Before you send the message, see if it can be interpreted another way. If it can, make corrections are elaborate.

Make Sure They Understand

You want to make sure they understand both what you are saying and how serious you are. This is a message that shouldn’t come across as a joke or light hearted.

Make It Personal

The message should not feel generic. If so, the person may not take it seriously. This could also make their healing process more difficult.

Be Compassionate

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

The best way to close a door is empathetically. Otherwise you may have them knocking again or worst, your guilt may encourage you to reopen it yourself.

Avoid Insults

Insults don’t close doors. They cause resentment and anger which take much longer to pass then sadness. They also will get you into an argument instead of getting on with your life.

Be Empathetic

Allow yourself to feel how they feel and you’ll have a better idea what to say. Show them that this decision is not comfortable for you either.

An example of text message that contains all three of these points is, “I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I hope you can respect my wishes. This hasn’t been easy for me, so I am not expecting this to be easy for you. It would best for us to breakup and go our separate ways. I’m grateful for the good times we have had together but it is time for us to move on. Please don’t try to get back together with me. I’m asking for you to respect my wishes”.

Important Tips To Remember

Decide If This Is The Best Way To Do This
Write In Their Language
Make It Personal
The Best Way To Close A Door Is Empathetically

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on When And What Are The Best Ways To Breakup By Text . Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

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Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

10 Tips To Conquer A Fear Of Flying

1 Comment / Stress/Anxiety / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

10 Tips To Conquer A Fear Of Flying

A Therapist's Guide To Combat Flying Fears

A fear of flying adds to the stress of travel and takes away from it’s beauty. With a fear of flying it’s hard to understand how other’s enjoy being on airplane. This is possible for you however and here are 10 tips from a Therapist on how to obtain it.

You may of seen the stages of grief used when discussing breakup stages. This is because of the similarities felt between losing someone in a relationship to losing someone in life. If you want to successfully overcome the break up stages, have a good understanding of the stages of grief will help tremendously. You should first understand denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Then you should work to be aware of where you currently are and encourage yourself along this journey.

Table of Contents

1.) Watch The Sunrise

Watching the sunrise is one of the most peaceful and tranquil moments of the day. It is also one of the most missed events of the day as few are willing to wake up early enough to see it. Taking an early morning or redeye flight will give you the opportunity to watch the sunrise and avoid the busy crowds. This will help start your day with a sense of peace and reduce the anxiety of being in a busy airport.

2.) Get A Good Deal

What does saving money have to do with a fear of flying? Airports to tend to lower prices during slower seasons and non crowded flights. Getting a good deal means there is less of chance of you being stressed at a busy terminal. Saving money also makes you feel better and is rewarding in itself. Be flexible with dates and use Google Flights to find slow days of travel.

3.) Avoid Caffeine

Caffeine stimulates the nervous system and can increase anxiety. While it is nice to have a pick me up, avoiding caffeine when you are already stressed or are wanting to avoid anxiety is a good idea.

4.) Get Lounge Access

Airport lounges provide a relaxing escape away from the stress of busy airports. Get comfortable before your next flight and take advantage of the complimentary food, beverages, and privacy. An easy way to get free lounge access is by using a credit card that includes it. I’ve included a link for the card that I use that includes this and many other benefits. Don’t be intimidated, it is much easier to obtain than you are telling yourself.

Click here to view Amex card that grants lounge access

5.) Avoid Stressful Movies

Whether it’s action, horror, or suspense, watching a stressful movie increases our anxiety. If our goal is to conquer a fear of flying, then we don’t want anything adding to our stress level to make this more difficult for us. This also includes the news and any other stress inducing broadcast.

6.) Find Your Stress Ball

When stressed, the body physically becomes tense and rigid. Stress balls promote relaxation by encouraging the mind and body to loosen up. Whether it’s a stress ball, fidget spinner, or playing with a beaded necklace, find that item that helps you relax.

7.) Bring Healthy Snacks

Grounding is a technique we use to reduce stress and stay in the present. Using your taste sensors is a way to ground yourself. Try eating and focusing on the taste of your healthy snack while stressed. Sunflower seeds and Almonds are high in Vitamin E which also reduce anxiety.

8.) Find Your Happy Place

The mind is powerful. The same way we are able to stress ourselves out by thinking about stressful situations, we can also harm ourselves by thinking about the opposite. When stressed, think about that a place, time, or person that makes you happy.

9.) Dress Comfortably

The mind and the body are interconnected. By wearing comfortable clothing you are not only avoiding physical discomfort but are telling your body that it is ok to relax. You are communicating that you are less concerned with how you look and more concerned with how you feel.

10.) Bring A Soothing Aide

A soothing aide is anything that calms or relaxes you. For some this can be a religious item or piece of literature. For others it can be the scent of lavender or music from their favorite artist. Do you enjoy drawing or playing music? Download an app to your phone or tablet that allows you to do so. Find that thing that brings you peace and bring it with you on your next trip to conquer a fear of flying.

Important Tips To Remember

Avoid stressful times and areas of the airport
Avoid food, drinks, and entertainment that increase anxiety
Use healthy coping mechanisms
The mind is powerful, use it to for good to conquer a fear if flying

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on 10 Steps To Overcome The Fear Of Flying. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

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Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

Therapist Advice: How To Breakup With Someone Nicely

Leave a Comment / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

How To Breakup With Someone Nicely

Therapist Advice: Breakup With Someone Without Breaking Them

Knowing how to breakup with someone nicely allows you to move forward without any guilt and them without any shame. Here is a therapist’s advice on how to breakup with someone in a way that both people leave better than they started.

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

Table of Contents

Relationships are a beautiful part of life but most relationships must come to an end. This is for all of our benefit. If we learn how to breakup with someone nicely, we’ll leave the relationship by building them up versus breaking them down. The best way to breakup with someone nicely is to help their future, understand their character, and be compassionate. Here are a few suggestions to do just that.

Put The Future Before Their Present

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

Often times we avoid difficult or uncomfortable decisions because we don’t want to feel sad in the current moment. Accepting temporary hurt for long term joy is investing in our and our partners future. Here are some ways to do so nicely.

Share Tips Their Future Self Will Appreciate

While it may be hard to hear at first, sharing suggestions on how they can improve personality flaws can benefit them greatly. Do so with kindness and they’ll be more willing to accept these things. If they follow through, their future self and future partner will thank you.

Describe Their Ideal Partner

Immediately after a breakup, many people think they will never find love like this again. Explain to them how this is a good thing as they should be looking for the perfect person for them. Help them by explaining what you think they would look like. Explaining why you aren’t this person will help them see the problem was not them, it was the two of you.

Help Them See Their Future

It may be difficult for them to be optimistic on their own. Bring light to their current situation by explaining how working on their self and finding the right partner will make them happier than they have ever been before.

know Who They Are

You’ve undoubtedly learned some traits about the person you are now breaking up with. Use this knowledge to find the perfect ways to let them down. Also use this knowledge to find the perfect ways to lift them back up. Knowing someone will naturally reveal how to breakup with someone.

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

How Do They Communicate

Are they a texter, phone call, or in person personality. Do they prefer short and sweet conversation or require ample explanations. Talking to them in their communication style will help them better and allow you to not have to discuss this later on.

Timing Is Everything

Are they a morning a person? Are they irritable after work? Do they conversate better after a meal? You shouldn’t prolong what needs to be done but you should balance this with the best time to do so.

What Makes Them Feel Better

Some people need more encouragement then others when saddened. Some prefer to be left alone. Use language they appreciate and actions that they receive well.

Be Compassionate

Photography By: Federica Giacomazzi

If you want to learn how to breakup with someone nicely, you have to learn to be compassionate. Being compassionate is something we all recognize but view consciously practice.

Avoid Insults and Arguments

While this seems obvious, it is something we should plan ahead. Hurt people, hurt people. Our ex may begin saying hurtful things to make them feel better. Don’t join their party, it will only make things worst for you both.

Use The Tool Of Empathy

Empathy is allowing ourselves to feel how others feel and being present with them. Allow them to see that this decision hurts you as well but it is only to benefit you both. Empathy is key when learning how to breakup with someone nicely.

Treat Others Better Than You Would Treat Yourself

By talking to our ex better than we would talk to our self, we are insuring we are doing our best to be compassionate.

Important Tips To Remember

Put Their Future Before Their Present
Avoid Insults and Arguments
Timing Is Everything
Treat Others Better Then You Would Treat Yourself

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on How To Breakup With Someone Nicely. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

Contact Us

Email:

Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

Overcoming The Breakup Stages

2 Comments / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

Overcoming The Breakup Stages

A Therapist's Guide

While most of us have gone through breakups, few of us know how to do so successfully. In this article, we will discuss the breakup stages and share a therapist’s perspective on how to overcome them.

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

Table of Contents

Denial: The First Stage

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

The most common first stage for many. Denial is the inability to accept what has happened. Denial in the breakup stages may manifest in the belief that an ex made a mistake, is playing a joke on you, or will attempt to get back with you.

Use A Friend

It’s difficult to see things clearly when it is happening to you. It’s also difficult to think clearly when are anxious or depressed. Talk to a friend to get their opinion on what may of happened.

Look At It Logical

Denial prioritizes emotions over logic. Emotions tell you that this person couldn’t of broken up with you since you feel so strongly about them. Although, sometimes people do leave people that they care about. Try to look at the relationship logistically to determine what has truly happened.

Believe Them

If someone has told you they are breaking up with you, believe them. It’s nothing to joke about or play around with. Having respect for yourself is not allowing yourself to be toyed with.

Anger: A Secondary Emotion

Anger is a secondary emotion. That means it is a response to another feeling we are having. Anger during the breakup stages may be seen in thoughts of getting revenge, doing something destructive, or being filled with resentment. Anger causes us to question, “how dare they do this to me”?

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

Breathing Exercises

The body uses short and shallow breaths when angry. This is a part of our fight or flight response. By taking deep and long breaths, we are telling the body everything is ok and the mind that we want to find peace.

Let It Pass

Anger like all emotions serves a purpose. It is unhealthy and unuseful to remain in this state however. Allow yourself to be angry but also encourage yourself to move on.

Empathy

Empathy is a great way to combat anger and resentment. By seeking to understand the thoughts and share the feelings of others, we decrease the anger that we once felt for them.

Bargaining: Attempt To Change Reality

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

This is the “what if” of the breakup stages. Bargaining is our attempt to think of ways to get that person back or change the situation that we are in. Bargaining looks for ways to change reality, rather than accept it.

It’s not up to you

The problem with bargaining is that it feeds the fantasy that you are in control of others. People make their own decisions. Honor other’s wishes as you would want the same for yours.

Reality Check

What you should of, could of, and would of are not what you did. Rather than thinking of ways to alter reality, learn from this experience to equip yourself in the future.

Embrace

Embracing is the step required to move into acceptance. Embracing is the process of us becoming aware and honest of reality.

Depression: The Progress Killer

Depression looks different for many and for that reason, many deny being depressed. Think of depression as a flat tire. As we feel less full of life, depression makes moving forward more difficult. After going through all of these breakup stages, it is easy to feel depressed.

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

This is not who you are

Depression may tell you that this is now who you are. Remember this is happening to you, it is not you. This perspective will help you return to who you are.

Just do it

Don’t let your feelings determine what you do for the day. By doing things despite our feelings wanting to do so, we are actively pushing ourselves out of our depression. Do what you need to do, not what you feel like doing.

Find Your Joy

What has made you feel better in the past? What makes you happy? Do the things that you know you make you feel better so that you may once again find your joy.

Acceptance: The End Of Breakup Stages

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

Acceptance is the final stage because after accepting the situation, there is nothing left to do. Acceptance gives us permission to heal and move on. At first, we may view acceptance as saddening but the reality is that acceptance is our key to happiness.

It is what it is

While it’s not my favorite saying, the principle radically encourages acceptance. Acceptance is seeing something for exactly what it is and not attempting to manipulate or obsess over it.

Let it go

If you are still holding onto an idea, plan, or even a hope, you aren’t practicing acceptance. Acceptance is letting go of any attempt to hold onto a previous relationship. Letting gives us the freedom to handle what comes next.

Wish them well

Forgiveness gives us freedom and empathy replaces resentment. By wishing others well, we push ourselves into the stage of acceptance and provide healing to our broken heart. If we loved that person, we want what was best for them. Even if that may of been us, what is now best for them is for them to complete this journey of discovering what they want. If this person has wronged us, wish them well so that they may learn and no not continue to do this to others.

Important Tips To Remember

Use friends to help you see
Do what you need to do, not what you feel like doing
Acceptance gives us permission to heal and move on
Forgiveness gives us freedom and empathy replaces resentment

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on Overcoming The Breakup Stages. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

Contact Us

Email:

Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

7 Fantastic Relationship Advice Tips

2 Comments / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

7 Fantastic
Relationship Advice Tips

From A Clinical Perspective

Relationships are in top 3 of the most important things we deal with. Relationships are not limited to intimacy but how we deal with everyone, including ourselves. Let’s look at 7 fantastic relationship advice tips to help us do it right.

Photography By: Lia Bekyan

Table of Contents

As a counselor, some of the best relationship advice I’ve found is to learn to understand, put yourself in others shoes, realize it’s better to give than receive, learn boundaries are for others benefit, get the blueprints, make the most of your time together, and know yourself before anyone else.

Relationship Advice For Them

Photography By: Lia Bekyan

Wait, I thought this was to help me? It is, and a part of helping yourself is helping others. This is not just a feel good philosophy. When we help others, they are in a better position to also help us.

1.) Put Yourself In Their Shoes

The best way to understand where someone is coming from is to understand how they got there. By putting ourselves in their shoes, we understand the steps they took to get to where they are. This should be deeper than just trying to get their point. Think of the person’s history and character. Understand who they are to get a better view of their perspective. This will help you understand their thought and better equip your reply.

2.) It’s Better To Give Than Receive

This saying has remained golden for good reason. Most of us have come to the realization that it feels better watching someone open our gift than it feels to receive our own. In relationships however, our gifts keep on giving. When we go out of our way to meet the need or be helpful to others, we get more than the good feeling of seeing someone grateful. We also have encouraged them to do the same for us. So we feel good in this moment and when they continue to return the favor.

3.) Boundaries Help Them More Than You

Many times we don’t want to set boundaries because we don’t want to upset others. In the long run, we are doing just that however. By not setting healthy boundaries, we are doing more than just conditioning others to be unempathetic of others. We are also helping them encourage the downfall of our relationship as they move us closer to the point of where we can no longer stand this. It is better for us to defuse this now, before it explodes later.

4.) Get The Blueprints

Blueprints are more than just a drawing. They are a representation of the vision of that architect. Never assume to know the vision or direction that your partner has for your relationship. Ask them for their blueprints. Don’t be afraid to ask for specifics. Blueprints do not lack any detail. Once we have the blueprints, we will know whether we should continue to work with this architect and what we need to do to make this happen.

Relationship Advice For You

Honestly, this list is way too short. There’s a ton of great relationship advice that you can use and we’ll make sure to add them to future articles. Here are several extremely important ones however.

Photography By: Lia Bekyan

5.) Make the most of your time

Time is so precious. Once we live a moment, it is gone forever. Cherish each moment together and really embrace every experience. You’ll be surprised how incredible a relationship can become, when both partners are practicing awareness. Whether we are waiting in elevator or enjoying a romantic dinner, appreciating and cherishing this moment in time with the person next to us changes the dynamic of the relationship astoundingly.

6.) Forgive and Forget

You don’t need a record book of your partners mistakes. Don’t worry, if they haven’t fixed their flaws, they’ll be sure to remind you of them. Forgiving others is not letting them off the hook. It is letting us off the hook. We no longer have to hold onto resentment and can return to a state of peace. Forgetting is the last piece of that equation. I’m not saying that we allow bad behavior to run wild, I’m saying that we free ourselves from the burden of holding onto it. If our partners are working hard to not let us forgive or forget, then they themselves are begging to also be forgotten.

7.) Know yourself before anyone else

When we are getting to know someone it is not just to be nosey. We are attempting to learn their character so that we may know if they are permitted to have a role in our story. Well we can’t know that if we don’t even know ourselves. Understanding who we are, what we desire, and what things we need to work on will educate us as to the relationships we should be having. When I know who I am, I also know who I need you to be.

Important Tips To Remember

Listening is understanding
Boundaries help them, not hurt them
Forgive and forget
Know yourself before anyone else

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I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone

Leave a Comment / Relationships, Stress/Anxiety / By Jordan Joachim

Stress/Anxiety/Relationships

I Can't Stop Thinking About Someone

How To Get Over Someone

It’s a difficult thing to let go of impactful memories and attachments. Teaching your mind to stop thinking about someone it adores requires patience. Here are a therapist’s helpful tips when you can’t stop thinking about someone.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

Table of Contents

It may feel as if you can’t stop thinking about someone, but with proper guidance you absolutely can. It is important that you do so in a healthy manner that will benefit both you current self and future relationships. The key to stop thinking about someone is to understand what your mind is telling you, use personal navigation tools to find a place of peace, and encouraging yourself to stay on the path of mental freedom.

Understanding Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Someone

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

The obvious answer is because you love or care about them. The answer we are looking for is much deeper than that. Once we understand why, we are able to give ourselves what we are seeking in better ways than we previously imagined.

What Do You Miss?

It is very common for someone to say they can’t stop thinking about someone because they miss them. You need to go deeper however. Do you miss how they treated you? Do you miss how they made you feel? Do you miss their physical characteristics? Understanding this gives us the ability to transfer what we are missing from a person to a scenario. This encourages us to seek this out more than that person.

Everything Is A Reminder

Seeing traits of that person in others and being reminded of them by things, tells us that we have not resolved our internal struggles. Your mind is telling you that you have work to do. Once we have accepted the outcome and no longer fear these thoughts, reminders no longer serve a purpose. Getting over a breakup is not just an accomplishment, it is a process.

It’s A Blessing, Not A Curse

The constant thinking of an ex is part of the problem, and it is intensified by another part. Our perspective of the breakup determines the process. The breakup and our constant thoughts about our ex are telling us something. Being able to identify and solve this, will not only empower us but also help our future relationships. By looking at this process as a positive opportunity and not just a currently bad experience, we bring peace to ourselves today and tomorrow.

Click Here To Learn How To Get Over Someone

using Personal Navigation Tools

Everyone is different and what works best for everyone is too. Personal navigation tools are techniques and coping mechanisms suited best for you to aide in helping your mental health. Here are just a few that might work best for you.

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques are ways to get yourself centered, present, and away from the thoughts that are bothering you. While used commonly with anxiety, they work well when you can’t stop thinking about someone too. When you begin thinking about that someone, start focusing on the things around you. What do you hear, see, or smell? Do you have something tasty you can taste? What materials around you can you feel. It is impossible to think about two things at once, grounding let’s us think about what we choose.

Remember The Bad

Nostalgia will have you believe that everything was perfect then. Although, no one is perfect. Thinking about the bad traits, characteristics, and things we did not like about her ex can aide us in learning how to get over a breakup. When we start fantasying or obsessing about our ex, thinking of these things will encourage us to move in the other direction.

Focus On Yourself

The truth is that these thoughts are telling you more about yourself than them. For this reason, it is important we think about ourselves to move forward. This is a time where we may be being hard on ourselves. Commit to focusing on your good qualities and goals to increase yourself esteem. This will empower you. When you being thinking about your ex, quickly remind yourself that this means you need to focus on yourself and think about these positive things.

Encourage Yourself

Photography By: Andrej Lišakov

You are not your thoughts and they are not in control. If you were never taught this, it can be a hard concept to understand. Don’t be a slave to your thoughts. You can stop thinking about that person by checking your thoughts, reminding them your in charge, and by encouraging yourself.

Remind Them Who’s In Charge

Thoughts are electrical signals traveling across synapses in the brain reacting to external stimuli. To put simply, they are assumptions of the brain based upon your conditions. When a thought comes into your mind, you have the ability to say incorrect or we are not focusing on this now.

Encouraging Yourself

Your going through a tough time and this is difficult. Change the narrative in your mind and begin encouraging yourself. When these thoughts occur, be kind and tell yourself “I understand this is difficult but you have the ability to get past this and most definitely will”.

Be Patient, Be Forgiving

This is new a skill and it isn’t common to learn over night. Be patient with yourself as you learn to control your thoughts. During this learning experience, forgive yourself when you struggle. Being hard on yourself will only make it worst. Being encouraging produces far better results than being discouraging.

Important Tips To Remember

Get to the core of why you’re really having these thoughts
Use your personal navigation tools
Encourage Yourself
Be kind to yourself

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

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Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

How To Get Over Someone

1 Comment / Relationships / By Jordan Joachim

Relationships

How To Get Over Someone

Or How To Get Over A Breakup

Letting go of emotions and attachments that you worked to build can be difficult. Don’t be hard on yourself, they don’t teach these things in school. Thankfully, were here to help. Here are a therapist’s tips on how to get over someone.

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

Table of Contents

The key in learning how to get over someone is to look at the relationship, not the person. You may not be with this person again, but the relationship that you adored can return stronger than before. If you want to learn how to get over a breakup, you need to get to the core of why this relationship was so impactful, use personal navigation tools to get you to a place of acceptance, and be kind to yourself on this journey.

Why was this relationship so impactful?

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

Every person you come into contact with is a relationship. Obviously, some relationships are more impactful than others. Understanding why, is not so obvious but here are just a few suggestions to find out. Once we do, we can begin our journey of letting the person go and seeking the relationship to hold onto.

Low Self-Esteem

Thoughts of never having anyone as good again or thinking you will always be alone, are indicators of low self-esteem. This person didn’t build a relationship with you by accident. They saw the qualities in you that you aren’t. By increasing your self-esteem, you empower yourself to love again. Click Here To Read How To Build Self-Esteem

Never Feeling This Type of Connection Before

Has this person made you feel special, loved, or a way you never have before? That’s a problem because you should have. Rather than chasing the one person who has done this, we should begin chasing more opportunities for others to do so. Look at what did/didn’t make this connection so strong. Use this knowledge when building new relationships.

Fear of Change

This is not uncommon. Learning how to get over a breakup and is learning how to deal with change. Fear of the unknown tells us that change will be bad. With proper guidance, change becomes very good.

Using Personal Navigation Tools

Personal navigation tools are techniques and coping mechanisms suited best for you to aide in helping your mental health. These tools guide us better than other approaches and can be used to learn how to get over a breakup.

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

Get Grounded

Grounding techniques take our minds from obsessing about things out of control to finding peace in our presence. One way to get out of your mind, is to get into your body. Do something physical that requires your attention, such as exercise or a hobby. When thinking about your ex, switch your thoughts to focusing on your senses. What do you currently smell, hear, and see? Treat yourself to something tasty and be intentional as you feel different textures in your surroundings.

Check Your History

Take a moment to think about how you have gotten through tough times before. What helped? What made things worst. Understanding who you are and what helps you, is a great way to lean how to get over someone.

Avoiding Dead Ends

The same way there are tools that can best guide us, there are also tools that could have no benefit. If you are someone that has been in bed for days, then taking a nap may not be a good suggestion for you. If you have a history of jumping into relationships quickly, then finding someone new to date may not be wise.

Remember The Bad

Nostalgia loves to tell us how great the past was and is not always realistic. A great way to learn how to get over someone, is to think about their character defects. This isn’t being mean to them, it is being real to us. Remind yourself of their faults and irritable traits, so that you may free yourself of the lie that they were perfect and can begin to let them go.

If you want to Learn
How to get over someone,
Be Kind To Yourself

Photography By: Pablo Merchán Montes

It’s been said that breakups are worst than deaths. This is because unlike in death, a breakup is someone who is still around but you are still unable to see. It makes it much harder to be acceptant. To learn how to get over a breakup, we must be kind to ourselves. It’s ok to be sad, doing what’s best for you, and encourage yourself through this grieving process.

It’s Ok To Be Sad

Being sad doesn’t mean you are failing, it is actually the beginning of healing. Losing someone is tough. Learning how to get over a break up is difficult. The goal is always to get better, but beating yourself up about being sad can make things worst.

Do What’s Best For You

If you weren’t sad, what would you be doing for fun? What things bring you joy? What hobbies make you who you are? Do these things and get back to who you are.

Encourage Yourself

This process won’t happen over night. You’ll need self-encouragement and kind reminders to stay on track. If you want to learn how to get over a break up, learn how to build yourself back up.

Important Tips To Remember

Understand the core importance of that relationship
Build your self-esteem
Use your personal navigation tools
Be Kind To Yourself

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on How To Get Over Someone. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

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Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

Conquering Anxiety When Flying

Leave a Comment / Stress/Anxiety / By Jordan Joachim

Stress/Anxiety

Conquering Anxiety When Flying

How To Get Over A Fear Of Flying

Travel is one of the great experiences of life. Anxiety when flying can get in the way of that. Here are some suggestions from a therapist to get you over a fear of flying.

Photography By: Tahir Osman

Table of Contents

A fear of flying can make a trip for leisure seem like a punishment. If you want to conquer anxiety when flying, you must first understand yourself and where this anxiety is coming from. Utilizing grounding techniques and following these tips will help lessen your fear. After repeated success and encouragement, you may even find yourself come to enjoy it.

Understanding Anxiety When Flying

Photography By: Tahir Osman

Understanding your anxiety, is the first step in understanding how to help yourself. Once we know where our anxiety is coming from, we know where we are also not going. When we understand ourselves, we also understand how to avoid increasing our anxiety.

Know Your Symptoms

Symptoms of anxiety appear different for many. Knowing yours is the first step in knowing what to do. Some examples include heavy sweating, difficulty breathing, or worrisome thoughts.

Where Does A Fear Of Flying Come From

Many people struggle with thought of not being in control. Others have allowed entertainment to influence their fear of flying. The truth is planes are statistically one of the safest ways to travel and you can control how you react to anxious thoughts.

What Increases Anxiety

When trying to reduce worry, it’s a good idea to avoid watching movies involving planes as they are made to play on your emotions. Avoid watching or listening to anything that creates stress and fear. Try to avoid caffeine, as it also increases anxiety.

Get Grounded In The Air

Grounding is a technique to reduce anxiety by helping us stay in the present. While your checking in your bag, also do a reality check.

Photography By: Tahir Osman

Reality Check

Tell yourself the truth, that flying is the safest way to travel. Look around at other passengers and see that is normal to relax and be at peace.

Breathing Exercises

When anxious, the body hyperventilates in an attempt to aide in fighting or running. By utilizing deep breathing, we are telling the body that we are safe and can stop being anxious. Just breathe!

Calming Strategies

Think about what usually helps calm you down or get you in a good mood. Listening to soothing music or religious materials work for many. Get outside of your head, by using your senses to detect things around you. What do you smell and see. Feel the texture of your clothes and snack on something you enjoy.

Tips To Help a Fear Of Flying

Photography By: Tahir Osman

You may not believe just yet, but you can conquer anxiety when flying. Use some of these tips to build experience. With a track record of successful flights, you will give yourself the evidence needed to disprove your fear of flying.

Social Support

If your traveling with someone, let them in on what you need to help your fear of flying. If flying alone, call a friend before boarding. Also, the flight attendants have seen this many times. Let them know you are uncomfortable and they will be there to check on you throughout the flight.

Airplane Lounges

Airplane lounges are a great way to get away from the stress and tension in the airport. Whether you pay for entrance or use one of the perks of a travel credit card, these spaces make waiting for your flight very enjoyable. If no lounges are present, seek out a quiet area of the airport to relax.

Keep Encouraging Yourself

Once you understand your anxiety and create a personalized plan, it is important you remember to encourage yourself. Remind yourself of what you know and tell yourself what you need to hear to calm yourself. Celebrate each time you successfully get through flying using these methods, because you are one flight closer to conquering your anxiety when flying.

Important Tips To Remember

Know where your anxiety is coming from
Get grounded
Use what works for you
Keep encouraging yourself

We’d love to hear from you. Comment your thoughts or feelings below on Conquering Anxiety When Flying. Be a part of our community. If you’re too uncomfortable for that at the moment but would still like to talk, reach out to us at Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com

By: Jordan Joachim

Contact Us

Email:

Info@GrowAgainCounseling.com